


Meant For You

by lumosunicorn31



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, WolfMate
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2018-09-12 08:45:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9064660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lumosunicorn31/pseuds/lumosunicorn31
Summary: With the war finally over, Remus finds himself unable to avoid Hermione any longer, thanks to Sirius' meddling ways. Will Remus finally get the happiness he deserves or will a lingering threat take it all away? A Wolfmate fic.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Unfortunately, JKR owns everything and I own nothing

**2nd May 1998: Hogwarts Great Hall**  

 

Remus couldn’t believe he had made it out alive. When he had been battling Dolohov, he was sure it was going to be his end.

 

**_Earlier that day_ **

_Chaos broke out and Remus could feel the grief of losing Harry radiating off everyone on their side. Their faces were hardened with a determination to end what Harry had started. It was a fight for freedom that they all so desperately wanted._

_He spotted Hermione in the crowd, the side of her face matted with blood, as she strode forward with a hard, determined look on her face and began battling Bellatrix with Ginny and Luna. Behind her he spotted Dolohov following, a mad glint in his eye as he raised his wand at her back._

_A surge of protectiveness flared inside Remus as he leapt forward and sent a stunning spell that missed Dolohov by inches. Dolohov turned to find the source of the spell and smirked when he saw Remus, sending a spell of his own that Remus barely dodged._

_Soon they were tangled in a duel, so fierce that it wasn’t long before Remus’ insides were burning from exhaustion. But Dolohov was relentless and Remus couldn’t get a single spell past his wards._

_Just when he felt like giving up, the image of Hermione lying lifeless on the floor of the Department of Mysteries, of her lying in St. Mungos for weeks, unmoving with a bright purple bruise blooming across her chest, sprung into his mind. Dolohov had almost killed her. He had almost killed his mate. Suddenly the anger was back, but it was an anger so overwhelming, Remus couldn’t control the next spell that fell onto his lips and shot directly above Dolohov’s heart, causing him to crumple to the ground lifeless._

_Breathing hard, Remus stared at Dolohov’s body, hardly believing he had actually done it. Around him the battle raged on, when suddenly a shout echoed around the clearing._

_“PROTEGO!”_

_Remus turned, hardly daring to believe it, because he knew that voice ... but it couldn’t be._

_But there Harry was, very much alive, staring at Voldemort with a determined look on his face._

_The rest they say, was history._

 

When Voldemort had fallen, the cheering had been deafening. People were rushing forward from all directions attempting to hug the Boy who Lived, the Chosen One who had saved them all. But Remus had stood back, knowing that there would be time later to hug Harry. Instead he searched for Hermione, eager to placate the distressed wolf inside him who wanted, no _needed_ to know she was safe.

He spotted her running forward with Ron, reaching Harry before the crowd could close in and flinging her arms around him. Remus watched as the three of them embraced each other tightly, smiling slightly at the sight. Soon the crowd engulfed them and blocked them from Remus’ view, but just the short glimpse of her was enough to calm the panicked wolf.

He watched the crowd for a moment more before he turned to walk away, when suddenly something collided into him from behind, sending him stumbling a few steps forward. 

“Oof!”

Trying to regain his balance, he realized that a pair of arms were wrapped around his waist hugging him tightly.

He began to turn to get a look at who had assaulted him, but was met with the faint smell of vanilla shampoo days old, almost completely masked by the smell of sweat, tears and blood. He recognized the smell instantly and could feel the wolf’s growing excitement.  

“Remus! I’m so glad to see you!” Hermione exclaimed, a smile on her face as she stepped back to let him turn towards her fully.

Remus beamed down at her, trying to ignore the pang that went through him when she released him from her hug.

“You too Hermione, I’m glad you’re okay,” he said sincerely, his eyes quickly scanning over her looking for signs of any serious injuries. When all he saw were shallow cuts and small bruises he inwardly breathed a sigh of relief.

“I’ll see you later? I should go greet the Weasleys,” she said distractedly, looking at something over his shoulder. He nodded and she gave him a final smile before giving his arm a comforting squeeze as she walked past.

He watched her walk off with a sigh. She was gone quicker than she had appeared.

 

* * *

 

As Remus sat in the Great Hall, he couldn’t shake how surreal everything felt. Just last night they had been fighting for their lives and now ... now they would start the process of rebuilding and the even more difficult process of healing. Remus watched as Kingsley, being authoritative as always, directed Aurors to arrest the Death Eaters who hadn’t fled. He spotted the Malfoys among them, looking defeated but accepting of their fate. Many had already fled the moment Voldemort had fallen, knowing that losing meant they would most definitely be spending the rest of their lives in Azkaban. The ministry would have their work cut out for them in the year following the battle.

The Great Hall was bustling with subdued activity, with everyone torn between the grief of losing so many people and the joy of actually having defeated Voldemort. A healing station had been set up at the high table with people lining up patiently to get their wounds treated by Madam Pomfrey with the help of a few students. Everywhere else, families were scattered, clinging to each other as they marvelled at the fact they had survived, while house elves weaved between people serving everyone a cup of hot chocolate.

Remus spotted the Weasleys huddled together on a bench, expecting to see a mane of brown hair amongst the ginger, but she wasn’t there. He frowned, scanning the Great Hall for a sign of her.

“She’s over there mate,” said a voice next to him unexpectedly, causing Remus to jump and spill hot chocolate all down his front. 

“Jesus, give a guy some warning Sirius,” Remus replied scathingly, _scourgifying_ his robes clean, as Sirius sat down on the bench next to him looking worse for wear but with a grin on his face nonetheless. “Also I have no idea who you’re talking about.”

He finally found her, standing with Ron and Harry in line waiting to get their wounds healed. His eyes drank her in, noticing she looked much thinner than she had since the last time he had seen her almost a year ago. That time spent not knowing where she was and whether she was safe had been difficult for him, especially around the full moon. His only comfort was that the wolf at least knew she was alive the entire time. If she had died .. he didn’t even want to know how that would have felt, but he knew that the wolf would have let him know. He finally drew his eyes away from her to turn to Sirius who was still talking.

“Don’t give me that bullshit Moony, you know _exactly_ who I’m talking about,” Sirius smirked.

“A certain little bookworm, with hair that looks like it’s going to eat us all alive and … who is currently holding hands with a ginger,” Sirius finished quietly, a frown on his face as his eyes stared to the side where the trio were standing.

“What!” Remus turned his head so fast his neck cricked, his eyes falling on Hermione who was holding Ron’s hand and staring up at him adoringly, while Harry stood watching them with a disgusted look on his face.

He frowned as Ron leaned down to plant a kiss on her forehead, bringing his arm around her to pull her securely against his side. The wolf howled in earnest at watching another man being affectionate with his mate.

He tore his eyes away from them, trying to squash down the feelings of jealousy and possessiveness that were threatening to overwhelm him.

“It’s better this way .. It’s not like she would have dated someone like me. At least with Ron she’ll be happy and as long as she’s happy .. I’ll be okay,” Remus said softly with a laugh that had no humour in it. He had lost count the amount of times he had told himself he’d be okay, foolishly believing that if he said it enough times it would become true.

Sirius didn’t look convinced, he never did, but thankfully he didn’t say a word otherwise. Instead he said nothing, as the two of them sat in silence.

 

* * *

 

Remus was about to head back to Grimmauld Place with Sirius when he was approached by Kingsley and Arthur, with solemn looks on their face.

“Everything alright Kingsley?” Remus asked with trepidation, already bracing himself for whatever news they could have for him. 

“Yeah, listen we managed to round up a lot of death eaters and they’ve been sent to holding cells in the ministry to await trial,” said Kingsley. “But I’m worried about the ones who’ve managed to flee.”

“Who managed to escape?” asked Remus, wondering what this had to do with him.

“The majority of the main inner circle death eaters are either dead or captured, which is a relief. The Death eaters that fled were mainly newer recruits, people who were probably blackmailed into joining or were offered something in return. I assume they chose to flee out of fear of spending their lives in Azkaban. However .. ,” Kingsley hesitated, eyes darting to Arthur for help.  
Remus looked between him and Arthur, waiting for one of them to continue.  

Remus looked between him and Arthur, waiting for one of them to continue.  

“Greyback escaped,” Arthur said quietly, not wanting anyone to overhear.

For a moment Remus didn’t say anything. He had thought that the world was finally rid of that monster and now to be told otherwise, he didn’t know how to feel.

“Are you .. ,” Remus gulped. “Are you certain? I thought he had been killed.”

“We checked the place he was believed to have been killed .. but nothing, no sign of the body,” sighed Kingsley. “So until that’s found we have to assume he’s alive.”

Remus nodded, unable to keep the troubled look off his face. “You’ll keep me updated on the search?”

“Of course Remus,” Kingsley said kindly, before he and Arthur said a quick goodbye before heading off to continue facilitating the Death Eater round up.

Remus stood there as they walked away, the pit of worry in his stomach growing steadily deeper.


	2. Chapter 2

**9th May 1998: 12 Grimmauld Place**

 

“MOONY! ARE YOU AWAKE YET?”

“MOONY MOONY MOONY!”

The bedroom door slammed against the wall as Sirius burst through with a ridiculously wide grin on his face. 

“What the FUCK Sirius, it’s only 9 in the morning,” Remus grumbled, pulling the covers over his head as Sirius leaped onto the bed bouncing up and down. The animagus continued chatting excitedly. 

“Molly invited us over for dinner tomorrow night!” Bounce. 

“Are you listening to me?” Bounce.

“Why aren’t you excited?” Bounce.

“You get to see your little witch!” At this Remus audibly growled, suddenly angry that Sirius was reminding him of the one person he didn’t want to see or think about. 

“She’s NOT my witch,” Remus snapped harshly. “She’ll never be my witch,” he mumbled quietly, burrowing his head further under the covers. 

Sirius scoffed, not in the least bit phased by Remus’ angry outburst. “Like there’s any way Ron can keep up with her, she’ll be bored of him soon enough. I’ll bet you 5 galleons that she dumps him by her birthday.”

“I’m not betting you anything,” grumbled Remus, but Sirius had already left the room, whistling down the hallway. 

 

**10th May 1998: The Burrow**

 

It took a lot of convincing on Sirius’ part to get Remus to the Burrow that night. They had argued back and forth for hours.

 

_ “I know you’re feeling really irritable with the full moon coming up tomorrow, so seeing her will keep the wolf calmer. Honestly Remus this is for your own good,” Sirius had tried to reason with Remus.  _

_ Remus had huffed irritably. “The only thing irritating me right now is you Sirius.”  _

_ “You can’t avoid her forever Moony.” _

Tired of arguing with Sirius, Remus had finally caved in. It was clear that Sirius wasn’t going to let the issue go and it was times like this he wished he hadn’t let him in on his secret. Though to be fair, Sirius had pretty much sussed it out for himself. 

 

**_25th December 1995: Grimmauld Place_ **

 

_ The Christmas spirit was well and truly alive in Grimmauld Place. With the house filled with people, including Harry, Hermione, all of the Weasley’s and various members of the Order of the Phoenix, Sirius had been ecstatic. His joyful mood was contagious and so even Remus was feeling quite festive.  _

_ Though he had tried and failed to stop himself, he had spent the entire evening almost glued to Hermione’s side, talking to her and enjoying her company. It was Christmas after all, and that was the only excuse Remus needed to indulge in his desire to be near her. With his eyes on her the entire time, drinking in the sparkle she got in her eyes when she laughed and revelling in the small brushes to his arm, he hadn’t noticed Sirius staring at him with a look of scrutiny on his face. _

_ It was well past midnight when everyone finally retired to their rooms. Remus was sitting in the kitchen with a cup of hot chocolate, his own euphoria at how well the evening had gone keeping him from falling asleep.  _

_ Sirius had come down for a drink, but upon seeing Remus he slipped into the seat beside him.  _

_ “Good night right?” _

_ “Yeah definitely,” Remus agreed, unable to stop the grin from spreading across his face at the thought of Hermione’s company. Noticing this Sirius slowly raised an eyebrow.  _

_ “What do you think of my cousin Tonks?” Sirius asked suddenly.  _

_ Remus’ grin faded as his eyebrows rose in surprise. Tonks was a nice enough girl, and Remus found her easy to talk to. However she had started giving him suggestive looks and kept sidling up to him during Order meetings, making Remus inclined to avoid her as much as possible lately.  _

_ “Er ... she’s a nice enough girl. I didn’t get much of a chance to talk to her tonight. Why do you ask?” _

_ “She had her eye on you the entire night. I think she might be keen on you Moony. Maybe you should get to know her?” Sirius said wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, watching Remus for his reaction.  _

_ Remus shifted awkwardly in his seat, avoiding eye contact with Sirius, looking like he wanted to do nothing more than escape.  _

_ “Uh .. I don’t know Pads, I’m not really looking for a relationship right now …. and she’s not really my type,” he added as an afterthought, scratching the back of his head awkwardly.   _

_ “Hmm … so I guess your type is an intelligent, bushy brown haired bookworm … am I right?” Sirius said casually with a smirk and a knowing look in his eye.  _

_ Remus froze and stared at him open mouthed for a moment, hurriedly trying to decide whether he should bother lying or not.  _

_ “I … I … Fuck, am I that transparent?” Remus groaned, dropping his head into his hands, knowing that if he had lied, Sirius would have gotten the truth out of him sooner or later, that persistent bastard.   _

_ Sirius rolled his eyes. “Honestly Remus you had your eyes glued to her the entire night with the stupidest grin on your face. It would take an idiot not to spot it. You’re lucky everyone else is an idiot then.”  _

_ Remus sighed. “I know it looks bad but …” _

_ “That’s a bit of an understatement. She’s bloody 16 Remus. I know you’re not  _ that _ old, but you’re also not that  _ young _.” _

_ “I know Pads -” _

_ “She is quite attractive though … under all that hair,” Sirius said thoughtfully, completely ignoring Remus’ attempts to speak.  _

_ “Sirius -” _

_ “Harry is not going to be happy about this. Oh and you’re going to have some competition too. I heard Ron’s -”  _

_ “She’s my mate,” Remus finally blurted out, effectively interrupting Sirius’ tirade and rendering him speechless. Sirius stared at him with wide eyes, his mouth silently forming an “O”.  _

_ “Oh … wow. Well umm … that changes things then.” _

_ “No it changes nothing Sirius,” Remus sighed. “She shouldn’t be burdened with the obligation to be with me. She can go on living her life, werewolf free, meet someone she deserves, someone who she can show off to the world, someone she won’t be ashamed of.” Remus suddenly felt very miserable with the elation from the night’s festivities fading as reality set in.   _

_ Sirius was looking at him with pity in his eyes, and he hated it so much. He hated that he had been burdened with this curse. Hated that it was making him yearn for a girl he could never have. Hated that it made him a monster.  _

_ “Moony she deserves  _ you _. Maybe not now or anytime soon, but one day when she’s old enough -” _

_ “NO I won’t do that to her. I  _ can’t _ do that to her.” _

_ “But -” _

_ “As long as she’s happy and safe, I can live with that. I can be happy with that,” Remus stated firmly, but even to his own ears he could hear the lie behind his words and judging by Sirius’ face, he could too.  _

 

**Present:**

 

Dinner had been delicious as always, courtesy of Molly’s cooking, and afterwards everyone had moved into the living room, chatting away in small groups. Remus couldn’t help but notice that it was a far cry from the old Burrow dinners they used to have before the war had taken a serious swing. Back then dinner had been a loud affair, full of laughter and joy but now while the laughter still existed, it was subdued and tamed, as though they were afraid to be happy. The final battle still lingered fresh in their minds. 

Remus was sitting in the corner with Sirius and Harry, sitting silently as they talked, desperately trying not to stare at Hermione who was sleeping across the room with her head in Ron’s lap, as he talked quietly with Bill. Her wild hair was tied back, emphasizing the dark circles that looked permanently etched under her eyes. Just being in the same room as her had him on edge, itching to be near her. He had been so painfully aware of her the entire evening, the wolf anxious and happy to have her so close. It didn’t help that the wolf was closer to the surface, what with full moon being the next night. However he had to admit that Sirius had been right. Seeing her today had definitely made him feel a lot better, and a lot less irritated indeed. 

Harry noticed Remus looking in Hermione’s direction and said quietly, “She hasn’t been coping well at all.” 

Something inside his chest twinged at hearing Harry’s words and he turned to him with a frown. “What do you mean?” 

“She doesn’t sleep very well. Nightmares,” Harry said. Remus didn’t miss the way Harry said that as though it had been happening for a long time and it had him wondering what had happened while the trio had been away. “She stays down here most nights. She used to stay up with Ginny but eventually she moved down here cause her screaming and thrashing kept waking Ginny up. Actually it’s been waking all of us up. Mrs. Weasley’s tried everything. Calming draughts, dreamless sleep, pain potions. Nothing seems to help.” 

The more Harry explained, the tighter his chest felt. She was suffering and he couldn’t do a thing to help her. 

“What on earth happened to make her get nightmares that bad?!”

“Well she ..,” Harry began but then appeared to think better of it. “Let’s just say things happened while we were away and it’s been .. quite traumatising for her.”

“What things?”

“It’s not really my place to say, but I’m sure she’ll tell you when she’s ready.” 

“What makes you think she’s going to tell me of all people?” Remus said incredulously. 

“You guys are friends right?” Harry said with a shrug, taking another swig of his butterbeer. 

Remus didn’t voice that he’d like to think he and Hermione were friends but hadn’t thought that  _ she  _ had thought so. The three of them sat in comfortable silence, drinking from their butterbeers until Sirius suddenly turned to Harry. 

“So Harry when are you moving in?” Sirius asked excitedly.

“Moving in where?”

Sirius pouted at his question. “Grimmauld Place of course. You still want to move in right?”

“Yeah of course! I ... it’s ...” 

“Then what’s the problem?

Harry hesitated, sending a glance towards Hermione’s sleeping form. “Well it’s just … Hermione hasn’t got a home. With her parents still in Australia I don’t want her to live in that house by herself so we agreed we’d get a flat together.”

“Oh is that it?” Sirius said, relief evident in his tone. “Just have her move into Grimmauld Place with us.”

Remus violently choked on his drink at this, spraying butterbeer everywhere, earning himself a few curious looks from around the room. 

“What! Sirius! Hermione can’t … she can’t … she can’t live with us!” Remus spluttered incredulously. 

“Ugh gross you sprayed me! And why the hell not Moony?” Sirius demanded, a challenging tone in his voice. 

Harry sat there, looking between them, utterly bewildered. 

“Because .. because it’s hardly appropriate for her to be living in a house full of men!” Remus said indignantly, hardly believing Sirius was doing this to him. It was one thing to drag him to a dinner where the girl he was forbidden to have was around with her  _ boyfriend _ but it was another thing completely to invite her to  _ live  _ in the same house. 

“Oh c’mon she’s a big girl and besides it’s not like any of us are looking to be  _ inappropriate _ with her right?” Sirius said, raising one eyebrow at him with a knowing look.

“Of course not!” Remus exclaimed, narrowing his eyes at Sirius’ expression. 

“Then there’s no problem!”

“Honestly Sirius we can just find our own place -,” Harry started to say, but was interrupted by Sirius. 

“Nope you’re moving in with us!”

“But -”

“WE ARE GOING TO HAVE THE GREATEST TIME HARRY!”


	3. Chapter 3

**11th May 1998: The Burrow**

 

Hermione watched from her makeshift couch bed, as daylight slowly began to fill the Weasley’s living room. It had been another sleepless night, her dreams plagued with flashbacks from Malfoy Manor. It was hard enough that they taunted her during every waking moment. It was even worse not to be able to escape them in the peacefulness of sleep. 

The first night it happened, she had woken the entire house with her screams. Ron and Harry had come bursting into Ginny’s room, rushing to her side immediately to shake her out of the hell she was experiencing. 

But she couldn’t shake the image of Bellatrix standing over her, with a crazed expression on her face as she aimed her wand at Hermione, screaming  _ crucio _ maniacally. She could almost feel the fire burning through her body, hitting her like a wave of cold ice, making her convulse violently in agonizing pain. She could remember desperately wanting it to end, begging unashamedly through her tears,  _ please _ falling from her lips like a prayer. The scar on her arm was stinging painfully, the memory of Bellatrix cackling as she carved into her arm with the same cursed blade that had killed Dobby, sharp and vivid.

_ Mudblood.  _

Hours spent in the shower did nothing to rid her of the dirtiness she felt, did nothing to remove the stench of tears and blood that followed her around insistently. Every morning she couldn’t stop herself from scrubbing determinedly at the scar, until her skin was unbearably raw and a constant flow of blood would be streaming down her arm, mixing with the water as it washed away. She was always out of tears by morning, so she would stand silently under the flow of water, unmoving and unfeeling.

When she finally surfaced into consciousness with a gasp, through her tears she saw Ron and Harry whose faces were both ashen, as though her screams had them reliving those moments with her. It took her a moment to realize where she was, that she was safe in the arms of her best friends, that Bellatrix was dead and would never harm her again. Physically at least. 

Ginny had vacated her own room without a word, after seeing that Hermione was now awake, understanding that all she needed right then were Ron and Harry. She had sobbed uncontrollably in their arms that night, unable to picture anything beyond the horrifying images of war and violence. The boys were silent while she cried, as they gripped her tightly from either side of her, the three of them finding a comfort in each other that no one else could give in that moment. 

That’s how Molly Weasley found them the next morning, tangled up in each other’s arms as they slept upright against the wall on the edge of the camper bed. 

Breakfast the next morning had been a painfully awkward affair. None of them had told anyone about what had transpired during their time on the run, so Hermione knew that everyone was imagining up all kinds of horrors. Maybe one day they would be brave enough to talk about it, but right now the wounds were still too fresh. No one had been brave enough to ask the trio, and for that she was thankful. 

It was frustrating to say in the least, the way everyone started treating her after that night, like a fragile porcelain doll that could break at any moment.  _ Yes _ , she was broken, but that didn’t mean she wanted to be coddled like a child. They tiptoed around her, always speaking to her in hushed tones that were meant to be reassuring, but often appeared as though they were afraid to upset her. She just wanted things to go back to normal … or as normal as things could be, but realistically she knew normality was a long way off. 

After the third night of nightmares, Hermione realized that no amount of dreamless sleep potion or calming draughts could make them disappear. So she decided she would heal the natural way. With time. She began refusing Ron and Harry’s comfort at night, telling them that she wanted to learn to deal with this on her own. They had protested at first, but she had been adamant, and eventually they had agreed, albeit reluctantly. She told herself this was best, that they had their own demons to deal with and didn’t need her issues on top. She started sleeping on the living room couch, which she knew Ginny was silently grateful for, despite her protests that Hermione should continue sleeping in her room. Well placed silencing spells around the room ensured her screams would not be heard and ensured no one would come running. 

Every night became a predictable and morbid routine. The nightmares, the pain and the thrashing would creep up on her subconscious suddenly, and every night she would fight to pull herself out of it. When she finally managed to resurface into consciousness, she would curl up into herself sobbing and clutching at her arm where the words  _ Mudblood _ refused to be forgotten. She willed the pain to go away, to leave her whole again. When the sobs finally subsided she would lie awake, too afraid to drift back into a fitful sleep, waiting for the sun to rise.

When she had voiced her plans to move back into her old house alone, providing that the death eaters hadn’t burnt it to the ground, there had been an instant uproar.

“What! You can’t-”

“There’s no bloody way we’re going to-”

“Alone! You shouldn’t be-”

“You can’t honestly think we’re all just going to let you-”

Her frustration suddenly reached its pinnacle at these words and she had finally voiced, quite angrily and loudly, about how she felt about everyone tiptoeing around her. Her angry rant had been met with stunned expressions, and upon seeing Molly’s tearful face she instantly regretted her vocal outburst. However before she could get out a feeble apology, she was almost knocked backwards by the force of Molly’s fierce hug as she sobbed about feeling helpless at not being able to help Hermione, affectionately referring to her as her daughter. Touched by this Hermione had started crying in earnest as well, upon being reminded that her parents currently didn’t know she existed, which made her realize how thankful she should be that she was practically an adopted member of the Weasley family. She knew they could be overbearing at times, but knew they were only looking out for her, in the only way they knew how. Everyone else had watched the two sobbing women with bewildered expressions, not knowing what to do with themselves.   

Eventually they agreed on a compromise. Harry agreed that it was impractical for the two of them to continue living at the Burrow, and so he proposed that they find a flat to live in together. She contemplated it for a long time, but eventually acknowledged that it wouldn’t be healthy for her to live in her old house by herself. She didn’t say it aloud but she was slightly relieved she wouldn’t be on her own in this. 

Hermione finally dragged herself off the couch, removing the silencing spells placed around the room with a wave of her wand. The house was silent with everyone still asleep upstairs, but she knew Molly would be up soon to begin making breakfast.  

When people finally started trickling down groggy eyed and yawning, Hermione had already finished her own breakfast and was sitting at the table with her nose buried in the Daily Prophet.  

Ron slipped into the seat next to her, his face already stuffed with bacon and eggs. He opened his mouth to speak, which proved to be a big mistake when a soggy piece of bacon fell out onto the table between them. 

“Ronald that’s disgusting!” Hermione cried, shuffling her chair away from him and the offending piece of bacon. 

“Sorry ‘ermione,” Ron managed to say without dropping any more bacon. 

After throwing him one last disgusted look, Hermione turned back to her copy of the Daily Prophet, marking a few things with a quill. 

“What are you doing?” Ron asked, peering over her shoulder. 

“Having a look at apartment ads,” she replied absentmindedly, wincing as a tingling pain crept through her arm. “What do you think of this one?” She pointed to an ad for a 2 bedroom apartment in Diagon Alley, thinking it would be perfect for her and Harry.  

“Oh yeah uh … Hermione … about that,” Harry said from across the table. 

Hermione looked up at Harry, who was nervously running his hands through his hair, making it stick up even more.  

“What is it Harry?” She narrowed her eyes at him when he still didn’t answer. “What have you done this time?”

“I didn’t do anything!” Harry exclaimed, looking thoroughly offended, then immediately sheepish. “But … I might have … let Sirius talk me into moving into Grimmauld Place.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful Harry,” She said, but when his anxious expression didn’t fade she added, “you know I won’t hold it against you if you do. I can just find a place on my own or-”

“He said you’re invited to move in too!” Harry blurted out, effectively cutting her off. 

Hermione stared at him for a moment, before bursting into laughter at the absurdity of the suggestion. 

“Hermione!” Harry said, looking slightly upset at her laughter. “I’m being serious! I made it clear I wouldn’t be moving in without you.”

Hermione sobered up immediately and frowned. “Harry I can’t go live with you and your godfather … I don’t want to be imposing,” 

“You won’t be imposing! Seriously, Sirius all but insisted I bring you with me. Besides I’m not just going to leave you on your own like that.” 

Hermione bristled at that. “Honestly Harry, I already told you to stop cod-”

“I know I know,” Harry interrupted quickly, before she could get worked up again. “But Hermione, you’re my sister, you’re family, so  _ please _ just let me take care of you.  _ Please _ ,” Harry all but begged her with wide pleading eyes and an exaggerated pout. 

“Ugh,” Ron grimaced at the sight of Harry’s expression. “Hermione just go bloody live at Grimmauld Place already so I don’t ever have to see  _ that _ again.” 

“Hey!” Harry said, pouting even harder. 

Hermione pursed her lips in contemplation. She knew if she refused to live at Grimmauld Place, then Harry would turn down Sirius’ offer and keep his promise to stay with her. If she did that she knew she would never be able to live with the guilt of depriving Harry the chance to be with the closest person he had to a father.  

“You are evil Harry James Potter,” she sighed in defeat. “Fine. FINE! I’ll come live at Grimmauld Place with you and Sirius,” she said rolling her eyes. 

Harry just beamed at her.


	4. Chapter 4

**23rd May 1998: Grimmauld Place**

 

Moving in day came much too quickly in Remus’ opinion. It creeped up on him suddenly, giving him a case of anxiety, convinced he hadn’t prepared himself adequately to deal with Hermione’s new constant presence in his life. That morning, he couldn’t stop himself from pacing the length of the kitchen and from rearranging the jars along the kitchen benchtop. Repeatedly. 

His  _ mate _ was coming to live with them  _ today  _ and he was torn between feelings of excitement and panic at the thought of being in such close proximity to her  _ everyday _ . He wasn’t ready for this. He didn’t think he would  _ ever _ be ready for this.

As he paced, Sirius stood in the doorway leaning against the frame with his arms crossed, watching Remus with barely concealed amusement. 

“At this rate, I’ll have to get a new floor if you keep that up.”

“Oh shut up Pads, this is all your fault,” snarled Remus, as he stopped to rearrange the jars on the bench again, deciding that chocolate chip cookies should ultimately be front and foremost. 

“You can thank me later.”

“I _ highly _ doubt that will  _ ever _ happen,” Remus countered with a scoff. 

“We’ll see,” he laughed jovially as he left. 

 

**_10th May 1998: Grimmauld Place_ **

 

_ When they got back to Grimmauld Place that night, Remus wasted no time in lashing out. Sirius had barely gotten out of the fireplace when he was met with Remus’ furious face already red with anger. That’s when the yelling had started.  _

_ “YOU COMPLETE IDIOT! WHAT THE  _ HELL _ WERE YOU THINKING SIRIUS! FUCK!” he screamed at Sirius.  _

_ “Wow Moony calm down,” Sirius said in an oddly calm voice, trying to place his hands on Remus’ shoulders to steady him. Jerking away, Remus ignored him completely, and began to pace back and forth across the living room almost manically.  _

_ “I CAN’T LIVE IN THE SAME HOUSE AS HER SIRIUS! I’LL GO OUT OF MY MIND!” _

_ Suddenly an image of her clinging onto Ron’s arm as they gazed lovingly into each other’s eyes sprung into his mind and he recoiled in horror at the realization of what he would have to witness if she were to live here. _

_ “She’ll … be bringing … ” he inhaled deeply with his eyes closed trying to get a rein on his temper. “... RON here of all people … ugh … doing god knows what with him.” _

_ Sirius continued to remain mute, waiting for Remus to get all the anger out of his system.  _

_ “DID YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT THAT WHEN YOU SELFISHLY TOLD HARRY HE COULD LIVE HERE WITH HERMIONE IN TOW?!” _

_ He grabbed at his hair, fisting it in frustration and anger. He felt a pair of hands on his shoulders trying to calm him down. He closed his eyes again, breathing in and out heavily.  _

_ “I’m so sorry Moony,” Sirius said in a soothing whisper, his hands still on Remus’ shoulders. _

_ “I wasn’t thinking …  I was only thinking of myself and I … I didn’t stop to consider how it would affect you. I didn’t realize … ” he trailed off guiltily.   _

_ Remus finally looked up in time to see Sirius take a deep breath, as though steeling himself for what he was about to say.  _

_ “I’m sorry ... I’ll … I’ll fix it. I’ll just tell Harry … I’ll tell him there’s been a change of plans,” Sirius looked down, arms finally falling to his sides, attempting to hide his crestfallen face.    _

_ Seeing the look of guilt and disappointment on Sirius’ face at the idea of having to turn his godson away from living with them, made Remus’ anger fade slightly. He ran a hand down his face sighing loudly in resignation, already knowing what he had to do, but that didn’t mean he disliked the idea any less.  _

_ “No … no it’s alright Pads,” Remus sighed dejectedly. “I know how much Harry was looking forward to living with you. You’re the closest thing he has to a father … Even I wouldn’t stand in the way of him finally getting some sense of normality in his life.”  _

_ Sirius looked up, a flicker of hope in his eyes, but it was overshadowed by guilt. _

_ “But I don’t want to make you feel … ,” he paused, mulling something over in his head. “What if it was just Harry? Maybe I can make other arrangements for Hermione … maybe Harry can convince her to just stay at the Burrow?” Sirius suggested tentatively.  _

_ “NO,” snapped Remus, liking the idea of Hermione living under the same roof as Ron even less. “She can … she can stay here. Besides Harry sees her as a sister … It goes without saying that they’re a package deal, he’s not going to move in here without her.”  _

_ Sirius’ silence at that confirmed he knew this too.  _

_ “I can deal with it … I’ll learn to deal with her being here. I guess I have to get used to her being with someone else sooner or later anyway. Might as well do it now,” shrugged Remus.   _

_ Sirius looked hesitant. “Are you sure Moony?”  _

_ “Yes, don’t worry … I’ll be fine,” Remus said, trying to sound as convincing as possible.  _

_ Sirius’ downcast face suddenly broke out into an ear splitting grin, suspiciously looking quite triumphant as though he had planned this all along, and knowing him Remus wouldn’t be surprised if he had. _

_ He bounced excitedly on the balls of his feet. “You won’t regret this Moony!” _

_ And with that Sirius ran out of the room before Remus had the chance to even blink. _

_ Remus didn’t have the heart to tell him that he already was. _

 

**23rd May 1998: Grimmauld Place**

 

Remus was sitting in the kitchen, having exhausted himself from all the pacing, when he heard the sound of the floo, followed by Sirius bounding down the stairs loudly to greet their new housemates.

“HARRY!”

“OW! Sirius - …. You’re crushing-” 

Remus chuckled to himself at the sounds of Harry protesting Sirius’ eager welcome, knowing that Sirius had been impatiently waiting for this day to come for the past two weeks. At the sound of the floo activating once again, he could feel the wolf perk up suddenly, alerting him to the presence of his mate. He walked into the hallway, and stalled there a little longer, nervous about seeing Hermione and wondering if he would be able to keep his feelings in check around her. 

“HERMIONE!”

A feminine shriek told him that Sirius had now turned his attentions to Hermione. 

“AHH! Sirius - get off-”

Taking that as his cue to enter, he took a deep breath before walking into the room, his vision immediately skipping over Harry to tunnel onto Hermione who was still being crushed by Sirius’ over enthusiastic hug. Hearing him coming into the room, her eyes rose to meet his, with a pleading expression on her face. He walked over to them, ignoring the nervous thumping of his heart, and attempted to peel Sirius off Hermione, who eventually released her with a pout. 

“Hey! A bit keen for your turn, aye Moony?” Sirius said with a wink in Remus’ direction, who tried really hard not to blush at his comment. 

Hermione swatted Sirius’ arm playfully. “Oh leave him alone Sirius,” she said before turning to Remus and wrapping her arms around his neck in a tight hug. “It’s good to see you Remus.” 

He couldn’t help but smile a little sappily as he hugged her back, trying and failing to ignore the fact that being in her arms felt … right. And the smell of her … a sweet vanilla that left him feeling relaxed and content. The sound of the floo activating  _ again _ had him coming to his senses, and his smile faded as he extracted himself from Hermione awkwardly, immediately shuffling a little to the side to try put as much space between them as he could without looking suspicious. 

Molly Weasley stepped through the floo, almost losing her balance from the amount of bags she was carrying. 

“Are you moving in too Molly?” Sirius joked, looking pointedly at her bags. 

Molly huffed. “I’ve brought food-”

“FOOD-”   


“NOT for you Sirius. I don’t want Harry and Hermione to starve, so I’ve prepared enough for the next two weeks. I’m terribly glad that you’re here as well Remus.  _ Someone _ needs to be the adult around here,” Molly said, sending Sirius a stern look that normally had people quelling beneath her gaze. 

“Ouch, it hurts you have such little faith in me Molly,” Sirius said dramatically, with his hand mockingly placed over his heart as though wounded. 

Molly just sighed in exasperation at his antics, while Harry and Hermione laughed. 

Remus decided to step in before things could escalate. “What Sirius means is that he’s very grateful for the help ... right Sirius?” he said, giving Sirius a pointed look.

“Yes, yes of course!” Sirius exclaimed with a smirk. 

Shaking her head, Molly walked out of the room, presumably heading for the kitchen, bags in tow. 

“I’m surprised Ron and Ginny aren’t here seeing you two off,” observed Sirius. 

“Oh no, they’re coming ... but they got a bit held up in an argument,” Harry said, grinning slightly.  

“What sort of argument?”

“Ron accused Ginny of eating the last of his cinnamon buns.”

“Ah. That couldn’t have gone down well,” chuckled Remus, knowing that Ron had a staunch love for food that rivaled his own love for chocolate.

“Ginny didn’t eat them. She hid them to get a rise out of him,” Hermione said, shaking her head, just as green flames erupted in the fireplace. Out stepped Ginny who was looking quite pleased with herself, followed immediately by a disgruntled Ron muttering about bloody garden gnomes. 

“Give it a rest Ron. No one knows how the gnomes got to your buns,” Ginny said as she greeted both Sirius and Remus with a hug, her expression carefully innocent, but her eyes sparkling in amusement. 

When he continued grumbling to himself, Hermione tutted at him. “Oh honestly, I’ll buy you some new ones later if that’ll get you to shut up.”

At the prospect of being able to enjoy his cinnamon buns after all, Ron visibly brightened, his eyes lighting up in excitement. 

“Really?! You’re the best Hermione,” he declared then reached over to draw her to him, placing a kiss on the top of her head with an exaggerated smack that had Remus wincing and looking away. 

Molly emerged from the kitchen, bags now empty, looking pleased with herself. 

“Don’t hesitate to pop over to the Burrow when Sirius gets too much okay?” Molly told Harry and Hermione hugging them both affectionately, while ignoring Sirius’ indignant “Hey!”. 

“Of course Mrs. Weasley,” Harry grinned, pretending not to see Sirius’ offended look.

She turned her attention to Ron and Ginny, waving a finger in their direction. “You two! Be back by dinner and  _ behave _ ,” she said sternly.

“Yes Mum,” they chorused, rolling their eyes once Molly’s back was turned, as she headed back into the fireplace and vanished back to the Burrow. 

Sirius immediately slung an arm around Harry’s shoulders, looking happier than Remus had seen him in years, talking excitedly about the rooms he had picked out for him and Hermione, as he led him from the room, Ginny right at their heels. Remus tried not to watch as Ron took Hermione’s hand and led her out into the hall to follow the others up the stairs.

Now alone in the room, he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. That wasn’t too bad, he thought to himself, except for the part where he had to watch Ron be affectionate with  _ his _ mate. Knowing that it was only going to get worse from here, had him suddenly feeling quite forlorn. He stood there for a moment trying to sort through the multitude of emotions running through him.

Maybe he needed a walk.


	5. Chapter 5

**23rd May 1998: Grimmauld Place**

 

Hermione placed her small beaded bag, which even now still held everything she owned, in the middle of the large double bed of her new room. She wondered if there would ever come a time where she would feel comfortable parting from it, if she would ever stop carrying it around like a talisman wherever she went. 

“Are you unpacking?” 

She looked up at the sound of Harry’s voice, only to see him standing in the doorway frowning at the way she was staring at the beaded bag. 

“I …”  _ can’t,  _ is what she tried to say, but was horrified to find her throat closing up and the beginning of tears blurring her vision.  _ God,  _ she thought bitterly,  _ can’t even go a day without turning into a weeping mess.  _

In a flash, Harry was across the room, gathering her up in a tight embrace. 

“Hey, it’s okay … it’s okay. You don’t have to,” he whispered against her hair. 

“I just … I can’t … what if … need something,” she mumbled into his shoulder. 

He pulled away her away from him, holding her at arm’s length to look at her. 

He smiled at her sadly. “One day at a time right?”

“How are you doing it Harry? How are you so put together? I’m barely getting through each day as it is,” she sniffled, furiously wiping at her eyes to get rid of the evidence of her distress.  

He shrugged. “I’m not … but Ginny has been helping me. We’ve been helping each other.” He hesitated before adding, “You should let Ron help you.”

She shook her head. “He doesn’t understand.”

“Hermione … ”

“Harry …  you know as well as I do that Ron doesn’t deal well with emotions, especially ones that aren’t his own. Physical comfort? Yes, a little. Emotional comfort? Not so much,” she said with a shrug. 

Harry, not having a counter argument to this, sighed in defeat. “I just … I just want you to have someone there for you, you know?”

She turned away from him at this, going over to her bed and perching herself on the edge, not answering him straight away. She rubbed absently at her arm, a habit she had developed in the past few weeks that didn’t go unnoticed by Harry. 

“I do. I have you and Ron and Ginny and everyone else,” she said eventually, but Harry didn’t look convinced at all. 

“You know what I mean,” he said. After a pause he added, “How have your nightmares been?”

She sucked in a breath at the suddenness of his question, taking her completely by surprise. 

“Er … they’re okay. It’s been getting better,” she lied, hoping that she had sounded casual enough for him to believe it. It wouldn’t do to tell Harry the truth. All he would do is worry anyway. 

He narrowed his eyes at her suspiciously. “Really?” he asked bluntly, sounding like he didn’t believe her at all. 

“Yup,” she replied calmly, looking straight at him, almost daring him to call her out on her blatant lie. 

A few moments passed as they stared at each other defiantly, neither wanting to back down, until Harry finally looked away and shook his head, choosing to leave the issue for now. 

“Are you two coming or not?” a voice said from the doorway. 

They both turned to see Sirius leaning against the doorway, arms folded against his chest. “Coming where?” 

“Exploding snap! Ron and Ginny are bickering again, so come downstairs and get them to stop please.”

Harry made a face at that. “What is it this time?”   


“Fuck if I know,” Sirius replied with a shrug. “By the way … how do you two feel about a moving in party?”

“NO!” Hermione and Harry shouted in unison, with identical looks of horror on their faces. 

“Nooo c’mon,” Sirius whined. “It’ll be fun!”

“Absolutely not!”

“But-”

“NO Sirius, now isn’t a good time … for everyone,” Harry said, sending Sirius a meaningful look. 

Sirius sighed and threw his hands up in a dramatic fashion. 

“Fine … but I’ll get my party eventually!” he shouted as he made a show of stomping down the hallway. 

 

**The Park**

 

Remus wandered aimlessly through a nearby park for hours, doing his best to enjoy the fresh air and trying to clear his head in an attempt to get a hold of his emotions. Eventually he settled down on a bench, not quite ready to head back to Grimmauld Place. A few families were out, strolling leisurely through the park and enjoying the autumn weather. Two young boys were by the fountain with their father, patiently teaching them how to sail their toy ships. Remus watched them wistfully, knowing that he would never experience the joy of having his own children. It was absurd to even entertain the idea. Firstly he’d need a witch crazy enough to marry him first, seeing as the one witch he wanted was completely off limits.  

A light breeze passed by, and suddenly he was hit by the very familiar scent of vanilla. He shook his head, thinking he was starting to go crazy. She hadn’t even been living with them for a whole day yet for Merlin’s sake, and he was already imagining her scent everywhere. 

“Remus! What are you doing out here? I thought you were still back at Grimmauld,” a female voice said from his right, causing him to jump in his seat in surprise. He looked up, only to see Hermione standing there with a small adorable smile on her face, looking down at him. Remus blinked at her repeatedly, momentarily confused. 

“Oh,” he cleared his throat, thrown off by her sudden presence. “I uh … just felt like getting a bit of fresh air.” 

“Well I came out to get Ron his cinnamon buns, but I don’t really know where the nearest bakery is and Sirius wasn’t very helpful. Do you want to help me look for one? Er … if you’re not busy that is,” she added shyly. 

He hesitated, quickly trying to decide if this was a good idea or not, ignoring the wolf’s nudging to jump at the chance to be alone with her. The whole reason he had fled Grimmauld Place was to get away from her, yet here she was. Surely there was no harm in helping her find a bakery. All innocent. Completely platonic.  

“Uh … yeah sure,” Remus found himself saying against his better judgement. 

He didn’t know how long they walked for, but eventually he found himself relaxing in her company, his anxiety melting away and just enjoyed being in her presence with no one else around. Eventually they found a small cafe that sold all sorts of bread and assorted pastries, and Hermione bought a few cinnamon buns, tucking them into the beaded bag slung across her shoulder. She insisted on buying them hot chocolates as well, knowing full well that Remus wouldn’t be able to resist, and they found themselves sitting at a table, chatting as they sipped on their drinks. 

“I was glad when I found out you were living in Grimmauld Place too,” Hermione said as she stirred absently at her drink. 

“Oh. Really?” Remus said, surprised at this admission. 

“Yeah, when Harry insisted that I move into Grimmauld with him, I was initially really hesitant. I just felt like I’d be intruding you know? I guess knowing you would be there as well … made me feel less of an intruder and more part of a … a family I guess?” she said, looking down as though she felt silly admitting all this to him. “I don’t think that makes much sense, does it?”

He smiled at her warmly. “No, that makes perfect sense.” 

She smiled back in gratitude.

“I think I’ve just been feeling … lonely, which sounds strange since I’ve been surrounded by the Weasleys since this all … ended and now I’m going to be living with you, Sirius and Harry. But … Ron’s got his family and Harry’s got Sirius and I … I just miss my own parents,” she said, sounding extremely miserable. 

Remus frowned, suddenly remembering the lengths she had gone to last year in order to keep her parents safe. How had he forgotten?  

“Hey,” Remus said softly, instinctively reaching over the table to nudge at her chin with a finger, tilting her face up to look at him. “We’ve got each other don’t we?” 

Despite the tears that were forming in her eyes she gave him a grateful smile. “Yes, yes we do.”

“And don’t you worry, we’ll get them back for you. We’ll do whatever it takes, and I’ll be there every step of the way,” Remus promised her, not even thinking twice about what he was saying. It was as though seeing her upset, made him compulsive, saying or doing things to make her happy again, no matter the cost of his own sanity and frankly that frightened him. 

“That would be … thank you Remus,” Hermione said, looking at him earnestly, conveying through her eyes the gratitude she felt as his offer, not being able to express it through words. “Just … thanks for letting me unload a bit on you. The boys … they can be a bit overbearing at times, so I usually just keep everything to myself, to stop them from fussing.”

Remus felt oddly touched that she felt comfortable enough to talk to him, and he decided right then that if all they could ever be was friends, then he was going to do a darn good job of it. 

“Boys will be boys. Feel free to unload on me any time, it makes a nice change to talk to someone other than Sirius every now and then,” he joked, earning a small tinkering laugh from Hermione that made him feel slightly warm with pride. 

“You know Ginny had a field day when I told her I’d be moving into Grimmauld,” Hermione chuckled, embracing the lighter tone their conversation had taken. “She was incredibly jealous that I’d be around, and I quote, three smoking hot men everyday.” At this, Remus choked slightly on his hot chocolate, taken completely by surprise that anyone would place him in the same physical category as  _ Sirius Black _ , and as hot no less. “She made me swear to tell her if I saw … er ... anything,” she said, looking away from Remus awkwardly, as a pink flush crept its way onto her cheeks. 

“What - Oh … oh!” It took him a moment to understand what she was saying, but when realization finally dawned on him he could feel his own flush creeping up his neck. “Well I er … I can promise that won’t happen. I make no promises about Sirius though.” 

Hermione laughed at that, and Remus suddenly noticed how content he felt just hearing it. The fact that he had caused it was an added bonus. 

“However it is slightly … uh .... perturbing that  _ anyone _ would describe me as .... smoking,” he said, grimacing at the strange term. 

“Oh don’t even pretend you aren’t flattered Remus. You know you’re quite attractive. Even my 14 year old self thought so,” Hermione said with a laugh, then abruptly stopped when she realized what she’d said, proceeding to turn bright red as she looked down in embarrassment.  

“What?” He said, the blatant disbelief evident in his tone, as though the idea of anyone thinking him attractive, let alone Hermione, was completely absurd. 

“Oh er ... nothing,” Hermione said hastily, but seeing the look of disbelief still on his face, she said softly, “I might have …  er … had a little crush on you ... back in my third year?”

“A crush?” he repeated, genuinely confused. He tried to remember what he had been like in her third year. Old, poor and dangerous, was the image that came to mind, not far off from the present and not exactly traits desired by witches.  

“Yeah …  you were so kind to me … and smart and … I don’t know … the other girls thought your scars were quite mysterious … and sexy,” she rambled, her already red face going an even deeper shade after muttering the last part. 

His eyebrows rose right into his hairline at that, thinking that this conversation was getting more bizarre by the minute. 

“Er … did  _ you _ think they were … sexy?” he asked her, eyebrows still raised, and a small teasing smile creeping onto his face. 

“Um … ,” she looked down and fiddled with the hem of her shirt, mumbling something that Remus couldn’t hear. 

He leaned in closer. “What was that?” 

“YES! I DID!” she suddenly shouted, making Remus jump in his seat, and earning them more than a few strange looks from nearby tables. 

She looked as though she had just confessed to a heinous crime, and after getting over his surprise at her sudden outburst Remus proceeded to burst into laughter at her disheveled state. After a short moment where she looked mildly offended at Remus’ reaction, she joined in his laughter, neither of them being able to stop. It was the first time he had seen her look so alive in a long time, eyes alight with a spark that had been absent ever since the war had begun. 

“Ughh, nooo I shouldn’t of told you that!” she exclaimed, still laughing and covering her face with her hands in embarrassment. 

Eventually their laughter died down, and as they wiped away the moisture that had formed in their eyes, Remus voiced the question that had been nagging at him since she had admitted to her crush. 

“What about when you found out … what I was?” he asked, voice suddenly small, dreading her response.  

Her eyes softened immediately, and she reached across the table to grip one of his hands between hers. His eyes widened at the contact, and he sucked in a breath as he froze in his seat. 

“Oh Remus, it didn’t change anything, if that’s what you’re worried about. You’re an amazing person who just happens to be a werewolf,” she said as she shrugged, as though it was no big deal. “We all love you the way you are, so don’t let it define you,” she added for good measure, when he still looked dubious.

He gave her a small smile for her efforts. 

“I’ll try.”   


	6. Chapter 6

**6th June 1998: Grimmauld Place**

 

Remus woke up with a gasp, as a sharp pain ripped through his chest. He winced, rubbing at the spot, attempting to make the pain fade. It had been happening every night since Harry and Hermione had moved in, a fact which he thought was too suspiciously coincidental to ignore. It was also steadily getting more painful with every passing night.

Suddenly a terrible drawn out scream ripped through the silence of the house and had him abruptly sitting up in fright. 

_ Hermione.  _

Ignoring the throbbing pain in his chest, he scrambled madly from his bed, and ran downstairs towards her room, hearing Sirius right behind him. 

They stopped at her door, seeing it was already open and beyond it saw Hermione thrashing violently on the bed, letting out another shrill scream, while Harry attempted to wake her up. Remus could feel the wolf whining agitatedly at the sound of his mate upset, giving him the strong urge to walk into the bedroom and comfort Hermione himself, but he ignored it, not wanting to intrude. 

“Hermione! WAKE UP! HERMIONE!” Harry was shouting as he shook Hermione’s shoulders. “Shhh …. Shhh. It’s me. It’s Harry. I’ve got you,” Harry said soothingly, gathering her up into his arms, as she sobbed loudly, the gut wrenching sound making Remus’ chest tighten painfully. 

“She’s gone, she’s gone. She’ll never hurt you again,” he chanted as he gently rocked Hermione back and forth in his arms. 

Remus and Sirius shared a look of confusion at these words. 

“She?” Sirius mouthed at Remus, who just shook his head, not knowing what Harry was talking about either. 

They both sunk to the floor outside Hermione’s door waiting for her sobs to settle down into silence. 

“You alright Moony?” asked Sirius, looking at Remus worriedly, who had gone quite pale.  

Remus couldn’t seem to find his voice, so he settled for nodding mutely, shaking slightly in shock. Though Harry had told him about her nightmares that night at the Burrow, actually seeing and hearing it for himself was a whole different story, and it had him feeling overwhelmed and helpless. It didn’t help matters that the wolf could sense her pain and distress. Lately he had noticed that the wolf was getting more attuned to her, a direct consequence of having her nearby every day, so he wondered if his nightly pains were directly linked to her nightmares. It was too much of a coincidence that they had started the same night she had moved in. What kind of horrors had she gone through? 

“She’s a strong girl … she’ll be alright,” said Sirius, attempting to console Remus who was staring blankly at the opposite wall. 

As the sound of Hermione sobbing continued, Remus ran a hand down his face in frustration as he sighed. 

“I hope so.” 

 

**7th June 1998**

 

As Remus came downstairs for breakfast the next morning the sound of Harry and Hermione talking in hushed tones in the kitchen had him hesitating in the hallway, lest he intrude. 

“I’m sorry Harry … I forgot … I was reading and I fell asleep before I could put up the silencing charms,” he heard Hermione say quietly. 

“Don’t. You don’t need to apologize,” Harry replied fiercely. “You should let me or at least someone else help you. You know Ron would be more than happy to spend the night here -,” 

“No!” she practically shouted, sounding panicked. “No … it’s okay. I’m learning to deal with this on my own. It’ll get better soon,” she said frantically. 

“You and I both know it hasn’t been getting better. You shouldn’t have to deal with it alone! If you’d just let me -.”

Hermione huffed in frustration. “Harry James Potter! I am not going to argue about this with you again.”

There was a pause until Harry sighed in defeat. “Merlin Hermione, you are one stubborn witch.”

“I just … I hate you seeing me like that,” she replied in a small voice.  

When silence ensued, Remus waited another moment before he entered the kitchen, hoping it wasn’t obvious that he had heard every word of their conversation. 

“Morning,” he greeted them cautiously, receiving two terse smiles in response. 

As he sat down at the table, he noticed the faint metallic smell of blood in the air coming from Hermione, like every other morning since they had moved in. The first morning, he thought maybe she had a small accident, no big deal. After about two weeks of this, he could no longer console himself that it was nothing but a slight injury, but still he kept his observations to himself. However today the smell was steadily getting stronger and he furrowed his brows, trying to work out where exactly it was coming from. 

The three of them ate in silence, but as Hermione absently scratched at her arm, Remus’ attention suddenly snapped to the small drops of blood that littered the sleeve of her top. 

“Hermione …” he said, staring blatantly at her arm in horror as the drops steadily grew larger in size. 

“Mhm?” she replied as she looked up from the paper she was reading, only to see the look on Remus’ face, her own eyes widening as she followed his gaze to her arm where the sleeve was now soaked through and sporting large circles of a deep blood red. 

She got up instantly, and bolted from the room, clutching at her arm and muttering, “Shit shit shit.” 

Remus hastily got up to follow her but was stopped by Harry, who had reached out and placed a hand on his arm. 

“No … you don’t … just … you might freak her out,” he said worriedly, rising out of his seat as well. 

“What’s going on?! Why has her arm been bleeding everyday?!” he demanded roughly, his mind going mad from suddenly imagining all kinds of horrors that might have happened to her. It didn’t help that the wolf could feel there was something very wrong and wanted to go to her  _ now. _

Harry’s eyes widened. “But how did you … how did you know it’s been bleeding every day?”

“I can … fuck, I can smell it. But today … today it was worse. I didn’t say anything earlier because I didn’t want to pry … but why hasn’t she had whatever it is healed?!” 

As Harry shifted uncomfortably at this, Sirius walked into the kitchen, still bleary eyed from sleep. 

“Wuzzgoingon?” he yawned. “What’s with all shouting?”

Remus turned to him, panic written all over his face. “Something’s wrong with Hermione … her arm … it’s bleeding.”

When Sirius’ only response to this was a few blinks and an open mouth, Remus’ frustration only grew. 

“WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING!” he bellowed, making both Sirius and Harry jump in fright. 

All sleepiness vanished from Sirius’ demeanor at this outburst, understanding from the panic in Remus’ voice, and his slightly crazed eyes, that he might do something rash in order to protect his mate. 

“Shit … er,” Sirius fumbled around, not knowing what he was meant to do. 

“Look … guys … GUYS, calm down,” Harry said, looking relieved when they turned to listen to him. “I can’t tell you much, because frankly it’s not my place … but all you need to know is that she’s already gone to St. Mungo’s and they’ve done everything they could.”

“But she -,” Remus began angrily, but stopped when Sirius placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, a silent reminder to reign it in. 

Remus visibly deflated, dropping back into his seat heavily and burying his face in his hands. 

Not understanding what just happened, Harry looked over at Sirius with a raised brow, who shrugged and mouthed “full moon soon” over Remus’ hunched figure, as though that explained everything. Still confused, Harry just shook his head and returned to his cereal. 

 

 

* * *

 

That night, when Remus was once again woken by the sharp pain in his chest, he didn’t even think twice about climbing out of bed and rushing off to Hermione’s room. There was now no doubt in his mind that they were linked to Hermione’s nightmares, a realization that gave him more questions than answers. As he got closer to her room, the sounds of her screams became apparent, muffled by the silencing spells she had put in place. 

He stopped as he reached her door, resting his forehead against the wood and breathed in deeply, resisting the overwhelming urge to burst in and comfort his mate. He looked down the empty hallway in expectation, but then realized that Hermione’s silencing spells ensured that Harry wouldn’t be waking tonight. 

As another tortured scream erupted from behind her door, he threw all caution to the wind and burst into her room, rushing to her side with his heart thumping with adrenaline. 

She was screaming and thrashing wildly on the bed, completely drenched in sweat. Without thinking, Remus climbed in and grabbed her, engulfing her in his arms, attempting to stop her body from convulsing violently. She continued to shake and scream, the sound piercing at his heart, and making the wolf in him howl in distress.

He held her tighter still, burying his face in her neck. Suddenly the screaming stopped, and he heard her wake up with a gasp. He pulled back in time to see her eyes fly open and Remus’ heart clenched painfully at the depth of fear in them. 

“Remus … ,” she managed to choke through a sob, before she began crying in earnest, burying her face against his chest and clinging to him with all she had, soaking the front of his shirt with her tears within seconds.  

He moved them into a sitting position, gathering her up into his lap as she continued to cry. Her cries were filled with a raw sense of despair that left him feeling utterly hopeless. 

He said nothing as he continued to hold her tightly in his arms, hoping that it was enough. Eventually her sobs quietened down into hiccoughs, and even those faded away into silence. 

He waited a long time before he began to loosen his hold on her and made to leave, afraid that he had overstepped his boundaries by even coming in here in the first place, but was stopped by a gentle hand on his chest. He looked down at the witch who was looking up at him with eyes that were still wet and bloodshot from crying, her head nestled comfortably against his chest. 

“Please … stay,” she whispered so softly that even with his heightened hearing, he had to lean his head down to hear her. 

Without hesitating, he tightened his grip on her and moved them to the centre of the bed, before adjusting his hold on her so that they were both comfortable. She closed her eyes and sighed contentedly, as he rested his head on top of her wild curls. 

If the circumstances had been different, he would have been able to revel in being able to hold her as though she were his, but instead he found himself willing to trade all his moments with her if only she could live pain free from the war horrors. 

In that moment he didn’t care that he had told himself to keep a safe distance. He didn’t care that it wasn’t his place to be here in her bed, comforting her. He didn’t care that there was sure to be awkward moments in the morning. 

None of that mattered right then, when all he cared about was her happiness and well-being, and if she wanted him to stay, then that’s what he was going to do, consequences be damned. 


	7. Chapter 7

**8th June 1998: Grimmauld Place**

 

When Hermione slowly drifted awake that morning, she tightened her hold around the pillow in her arms and buried her face deeper, inhaling its comforting scent. But when the _ pillow _ suddenly moved under her grip, her eyes snapped open and widened in shock as she took in the sight of an unfamiliar covered chest. 

Suddenly flashes of last night came back to her. Images of a crazed Bellatrix towering over her that were suddenly overpowered by the feel of someone engulfing her in their arms, so strong that she was shocked out of her nightmare, only to find herself in an unfamiliar embrace that felt strangely like coming home. 

_ Remus. _

With his arms wound tightly around her, holding her firmly to his chest, she remembered feeling safe and content in his arms, the smell of him giving her a comfort she hadn’t known existed till now. He had smelt strangely familiar, yet she couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was, and now it was bugging her insistently. 

She felt confused with her actions last night. Never before had she felt so compelled to ask someone to stay with her. Previously all she had felt was shame and embarrassment and an overwhelming desire to block everyone and everything out. But there had been something about Remus that made her feel none of that. Instead, his scent had warmed her, his arms had comforted her, and she had felt completely safe and protected. 

But now in the light of day, all she could feel was embarrassed at the way she had unashamedly asked him to stay last night.

Her breath caught when he suddenly nuzzled against the top of her head in his sleep, causing her to stiffen and hold perfectly still while she silently debated on her next course of action. On one hand, she could attempt to untangle herself from his grip and run away from the awkwardness that would likely occur if she didn’t. On the other hand, she could stay right where she was and continue enjoying his warmth. 

She was too immersed in her own thoughts that she didn’t notice Remus waking and slowly shifting so that he could look down into her face. By the time she did realize, it was too late to feign sleep and instead, they both stared silently at each other, wide-eyed and cautious.  

“Hi,” he said softly, breaking the silence and smiling gently at her. 

“Hi,” she echoed back in a small voice, feeling heat flood her cheeks under his gaze.  

He cleared his throat nervously. “I … uh … are you feeling any better?” he asked awkwardly, removing his arms from around her and sitting up. 

Truthfully, she felt so well rested, it was completely unsettling for her. The fact that she was even able to fall back asleep was a surprise as usually she would lie awake after her nightmares, sleep having evaded her every night. Confused by all of this, she responded to Remus with a small nod. 

“I don’t know what came over me when I asked you to stay like that … I’m so sorry Remus,” she rushed out. “I’m so embarrassed that you had to see me like that.” 

“No, Harry’s right … you should let someone help you and I’m glad you let me be the one to do that last night,” he said gently. 

She stared at him for a moment. “You heard us … in the kitchen yesterday, didn’t you?”

He shifted a bit in the realization of what he had just revealed. “Uh … yeah.”

She sighed, feeling overwhelmed with sadness again. She brought her knees up to her chest, instinctively curling into herself, as though it could somehow protect her from everything. The war had left her feeling more broken than she was willing to admit, but she didn’t know if she could hold up the facade any longer. She could feel his eyes on her, but he said nothing, and instead waited patiently for her to say something.  

“I don’t know what to do,” she admittedly softly after a long moment, staring unseeingly at a spot on the bed in front of her. 

She felt a cautious hand rest on her shoulder, as Remus shifted closer to her on the bed. 

“Listen to Harry,” he said softly. “Sometimes it’s okay to admit you need a bit of help.”

She looked up, only to meet his eyes and in them saw a deep, genuine concern that warmed her heart and made her feel a strange desire to get better.  

“Okay,” she heard herself saying, surprising herself with her willingness to listen to someone for once. 

A big smile spread across his face, obviously happy with her response. In the next second, he was awkwardly looking down at his pajamas, as though catching himself showing too much emotion. 

“I think I better go now,” he said morosely, sounding like it was the last thing he wanted to do. 

“Okay,” she said as he gave her shoulder one last reassuring squeeze before moving off the bed.  

“Remus?” she called out softly, just as he reached the door. He turned around expectantly, hand already gripping the doorknob.  

“Thank you.”

 

* * *

 

Remus was enjoying a strong cup of hot chocolate when Harry found him tucked away in a corner of the library. 

“How’d you do it?” Harry said as he flopped down onto the sofa opposite Remus. 

“Hmm? Do what, Harry?” Remus replied absently. 

“Convince her to let you stay?”

Remus’ head snapped up suddenly in shock at the question. 

“What? But how did you …,” Remus trailed off, thinking that either Hermione had told him or Harry had seen them himself. He couldn’t decide which one was worse. 

“Yeah, when she didn’t answer to my knocking this morning … I opened the door to check in and well …,” Harry trailed off, looking away awkwardly, making Remus flush at the realization that Harry had seen him wrapped around Hermione as they slept.

“Well er … she asked me to?” Remus said, though it came out sounding like a question.

Harry openly gaped at him. “You’re joking right?”

“Er … no?” Remus replied uncertainly. 

“Other than the first night it happened, she hasn’t allowed  _ anyone _ to stay the night with her since,” Harry said, giving Remus an indecipherable look that had him feeling uncomfortable. 

“Oh …,” Remus said not knowing how to reply, though the wolf was feeling pretty smug about this admission. 

“What happened after she asked you to stay?”

Remus shrugged. “We fell asleep.” 

At that Harry frowned, looking utterly confused. “I don’t understand. I’ve been going to her room for weeks during her nightmares and it always ends with her insisting I go.”

“Maybe it just needs to be the right person,” Remus said, then winced at his choice of words, that he was implying that  _ he _ was the right person. 

Harry took no notice, however, his eyes lighting up suddenly. “The right person … you’re right! I could easily get Ron to come stay the night … convincing Hermione might be a problem, though.” 

Remus tried to hide his horror at these words, but it was difficult considering the way Moony was growling protectively, his presence strong with the full moon in just 2 days. Luckily Harry still wasn’t paying much attention to him, too lost in his own thoughts and growing excitement of this new plan of his. 

Harry suddenly leapt to his feet, clapping Remus on the back before rushing out of the library. 

“Thanks, Remus!” he called over his shoulder as he went. 

It was the second time he’d been thanked that day, but this time, he didn’t feel too good about it. 

 

* * *

 

As predicted, Harry easily got Ron to agree to stay over that night, and tactfully neglected to inform him of Remus’ recent sleepover in Hermione’s bed, knowing that Ron had the tendency to make a mountain out of a molehill. 

However, when Harry had tried to convince Hermione, she wasn’t as willing, once again claiming she didn’t need Ron. She didn’t need anyone. That was until she caught Remus’ eye over the table, their shared silent moment reminding her of their conversation that morning. Hermione wasn’t sure why she was so against the idea, but she acquiesced that Harry was just trying to help, and if it worked, then all the better.

Harry was in the middle of a long winded speech of the benefits of allowing Ron to stay the night with her when she cut him off with a simple, “Okay”, shocking Harry into silence at her sudden willingness to cohere to his plan. 

That’s how she found herself entering her room that night to the sight of Ron standing awkwardly at the foot of her bed. She watched from the doorway, eyebrows raised, as he walked to the left side and stopped as though considering the bed from this new angle, before walking to the right. He did this twice before Hermione couldn’t hold in her laughter any longer. 

He whipped around at the sound of her laughter, smiling sheepishly and turning slightly pink at being caught doing who knows what.   

“What on earth are you doing, Ron?” she laughed. 

“Uh … I wasn’t sure where … er … which side do I sleep on?” he said, stumbling over his words. 

“Umm well … I sleep on the left, but it doesn’t really matter …,” she trailed off, her laughter fading as the mood in the room suddenly shifted. 

“No! It’s your room … I’ll sleep on the right,” he said hurriedly.

She didn’t reply as he stumbled over to the right side of the bed and got under the covers. Everything about this situation felt awkward and forced, which completely baffled her because they were dating … weren’t they? After the passionate kiss they had shared during the battle, they had tentatively admitted their feelings for one another and agreed to give a relationship a go. None of their post-battle kisses had been as emotional or as heated as their first, and it made Hermione wonder if she had been imagining the passion all along. 

Hermione really was at a loss when it came to relationships, considering her experience consisted of a Yule Ball date that only went as far as a clumsy kiss where they had banged noses twice before landing their lips in the right spot. 

Considering this, Ron’s experience wasn’t any better. His relationship with Lavender had been nothing but physical, with their severe lack of communication playing a huge role in their messy break-up. 

As she settled in beside him, Ron took her hand in his but didn’t move to hold her. She grimaced at the feel of his sticky palm against her own and grimaced even further when he rolled over to place a sloppy goodnight kiss on her mouth. 

“Goodnight ‘Mione,” he muttered sleepily

“Night Ron.”

Within minutes, he had fallen asleep, snoring softly next to her, while she lay wide awake waiting for sleep to come. She rolled over to watch Ron’s sleeping form, and for the first time really thought about their relationship. The first month had been … strange, there was no other word for it. They had yet to find their rhythm, with their actions mostly being painfully clumsy attempts at acting more  _ coupley _ . 

Worst of all, she  _ wanted _ to talk to him about her nightmares, but found every time she tried, she felt uncomfortable. Even the rare times that she managed to get  _ something _ out, he always looked like a deer in headlights, not knowing what to do with his traumatised girlfriend and would just awkwardly hold her while mumbling gibberish that was of no help to her at all.  

Eventually, she drifted off into a fitful sleep, her mind drifting in and out of the dream realm. Like every other night, the nightmares always began with her parents. 

“Mum? Dad?” she would call out to them as they tended to their front yard. They would look up, their eyes blank and wiped of all emotion, appearing as though they were staring right past her, as though she didn’t exist. 

She’d begin screaming at them, begging them to acknowledge her. But they didn’t. They never did. They were fading rapidly away into the darkness. Even as she reached out to grab them, there was nothing but air. 

Then, of course, Bellatrix would make her appearance, and it was always just as intense and vivid as the first time. 

Like clockwork, she woke up crying hysterically, drenched in sweat and shaking violently. Beside her, she heard Ron swear before he took her into his arms, hushing her and mumbling things like “you’re safe” and “she’s gone”.

The comfort she had expected to feel with Ron’s presence, didn’t come and instead left her feeling confused and shaken. He continued to hold her as she cried, and when she quietened down, he drifted off to sleep, unaware of the witch lying stiff and awake in his arms. 

She couldn’t help but think of last night and how different it had been to this. Remus’ arms had felt warm and safe. So very safe. Ron’s however just felt like dead weight, wrapped so tightly around her that she was struggling to breathe and were much too warm to be comfortable. 

She wriggled around in discomfort, attempting to loosen Ron’s arms from around her. Unfortunately, he took this as a cue to press himself even closer to her, burying his face in her neck, making sure that hot air filled her ear with every breath. 

Suddenly she felt like crying again and for once it wasn’t because of the nightmares. 

It was because she knew right then and there that the comfort Ron offered her wasn’t what she needed.


	8. Chapter 8

**9th June 1998: Grimmauld Place**

When Ron had arrived sometime before dinner, Remus took refuge in his room. 

Then when Hermione had come knocking, telling him that dinner was ready, it took all of his strength  _ not _ grab her and hide her in his closet, away from unwanted redheads.

Instead he told her, in a tight voice, that he wasn’t feeling well and to go ahead without him. He realized his mistake when she approached his bedside and placed the back of her hand on his forehead, concern written all over her face. He had shivered at the contact and burrowed further into his blankets, attempting to avoid inhaling that wonderful scent of hers. 

However, true to her character, Hermione was annoyingly perceptive and didn’t believe any his reassurances that he was fine. It was only after he had snapped at her that the full moon was soon and he would appreciate being left alone that she finally left. 

That was seven hours ago, and he had barely moved an inch since. 

He had certainly felt the usual chest pains that alerted him to Hermione’s nightmares, and he had lain there, tense at the thought that Ron would be the one comforting her tonight. 

It was pure agony, and it was just his luck that it was the night before the full moon as well. The wolf was  _ not _ happy about the Ron situation, if the constant growling were any indication.  

Ten minutes later he was prowling through the library, a hot chocolate clutched tightly in his hand, looking for something  _ anything _ that would distract him. His attempts were futile, though he wasn’t really surprised. Sighing in defeat, he grabbed a book at random, and flung himself onto the nearest couch, determined to direct his mind away from Hermione. 

The sound of muffled footsteps caught his attention, and he sat still, listening as they shuffled across the floorboards. Just as he heard a distant door creaking open, he realized it must be Hermione. He didn’t think anyone else could sneak around the house as quietly as she was now. 

As her footsteps grew louder and louder, he snorted in amusement. 

_ Of course _ she would come to the library. 

Too busy chuckling to himself, he didn’t notice the slight creak of the library door and missed her entrance completely.

“Remus?”

He jumped in his seat, spilling half the contents of his mug all over himself.   

“Shit! _ ” _ He cursed and stood up, hissing as the burning liquid seeped right through his thin shirt and trickled down onto his pants. 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry Remus, here let me -” Hermione said as she rushed over, wand in hand. 

“No it’s fine -”

“No really -” 

“I’ll -” 

Remus felt completely mortified. He always prided himself in knowing his surroundings well, it was hard for anything to go beyond his notice. Hermione looked equally, if not more, embarrassed as he quickly cleared up the mess with a wave of his wand. 

There was a beat of silence, in which neither of them seemed to know what to say. 

“Well … that was embarrassing,” he said, hoping to break the awkwardness. 

Hermione chuckled, a smile breaking over her face as they settled onto the couch. 

“Sorry I startled you Remus, I thought you heard me come in.” 

“Yeah … I was just a bit … preoccupied,” he coughed. “Anyway what are you doing up? Is something wrong? Where’s Ron?” 

“He’s upstairs sleeping,” she said waving her hand in the general direction of her bedroom, not noticing the way his jaw clenched at that. “I couldn’t get back to sleep after my … yeah. So I thought I’d come downstairs to read … keep my mind off … things.” 

He could feel the annoyance creeping in, rising rapidly to the surface, that  _ Ron _ was just blissfully sleeping and likely dreaming about bloody food, instead of comforting his girlfriend. 

“Are you alright, Remus?” Hermione’s voice broke through his thoughts. 

“What?” He started. 

“You look like you’ve got something on your mind,” she said knowingly. 

“Oh no, it’s … it’s nothing, my mind just drifted there for a second.” 

Hermione didn’t look like she believed him but she didn’t press any further, much to his relief. 

“So what are  _ you _ doing up at this time Remus?” she asked curiously. 

“Ah, just … couldn’t sleep either. Came here to read as well. Guess great minds think alike eh?” he said as he smiled crookedly at her. “I’m going to make myself another hot chocolate, since I ended up wearing the first one rather than drinking it. Would you like one?” 

“You and your hot chocolate. Don’t you ever get sick of it?”  

“Never!” Remus said in mock shock, as he stood up and made for the door. 

“That was a yes by the way!” Hermione called out as Remus left the room. 

 

* * *

 

Five minutes later, Remus returned, floating two steaming mugs of hot chocolate in front of him. Hermione murmured her thanks as he placed one of the mugs in her outstretched hands.   

“So do you want to talk about it?” he asked as he settled down on the couch next to her, clutching at his own cup. 

“Talk about what?” she mumbled in a tone that suggested she knew exactly what he was talking about. 

He gave her a look at that, and she sighed. He waited patiently, knowing that she would open up when she was ready. A few minutes passed in comfortable silence as they sipped, both lost in their own thoughts.  

“I … It didn’t work,” she said eventually, staring down morosely into her mug, avoiding his eyes. Still he said nothing in reply, just looked at her expectantly, waiting for the rest of her thoughts to tumble out. 

“It felt awkward and stiff and uncomfortable and it was everything I didn’t need. It wasn’t …” she hesitated, trailing off. “It wasn’t… the same. He’s not … ”

_ … you _ . 

It went unspoken in the silence but there was no missing the hidden meaning behind her words. With the implication hanging heavy in the air, Remus suddenly felt very warm. He cleared his throat, trying to clear the sudden awkwardness. 

“Well maybe … it felt awkward because you’re both finding it hard to transition from friends to … more,” he said, wincing slightly as he tried not to dwell too much on the  _ more _ part of her relationship with Ron. 

“I did think that as well at first … but it all feels very forced,” she said thoughtfully. “The passion I felt with him before … it’s all just gone Remus. I don’t know where it went, and it’s left me feeling … hollow.” 

She looked so lost and miserable that Remus wanted to wrap her in his arms and protect her from anyone and anything that dared to put that look on her face again. He could feel the wolf whining, urging him to comfort his mate, but he ignored it. Instead of engulfing her in his arms like he wanted to, he reached out a tentative hand, placing it gently on her shoulder. 

But the simple touch didn’t seem enough for her. She leaned into him instinctively, until his arm ended up around her shoulders. He stiffened and considered retreating to safe territory but he couldn’t bring himself to pull away from her warmth. She turned her body slightly towards him, and opened her mouth as though she was about to say something but closed it again, hesitating. “Can I tell you something … but you can’t tell Harry … or anyone.”

“Of course Hermione, you can tell me anything,” he said gently, as he stroked her shoulder with his thumb.   

“I can feel a void Remus … it’s hard to explain … but it’s right here in my chest. It’s just this gaping hole waiting to be filled by someone, and I thought that someone was Ron, but now … I  … I don’t think it’s him,” she said, turning her head to look at him, with an expression of wonder that made his heart stop.  

Remus licked nervously at his lips and removed his arm from around her, trying to put a bit of space between them. “I don’t … how can you be sure?” 

She shrugged, looking away from him again. “I’ve had a feeling for weeks … but tonight confirmed it,” she sighed. “I think that’s why I wouldn’t agree to having him over before, I was scared to acknowledge what I’ve known all along … that Ron and I just aren’t meant to be. I … don’t know what to do now Remus. I’ve never really believed in soulmates. I was more into the idea that everything is a choice and any relationship just needs hard work … but now I’m not so sure.”

Her eyes bore into his and the wolf was screaming at him to just  _ tell her _ that she had a soulmate. Someone who was quite literally made for her in every sense. Someone who would understand her like no other and fill that void completely. And that someone was him. 

He very nearly did. The wolf was right there, ready and bursting with excitement at the prospect of sharing the secret he had guarded so carefully for 7 years. He opened his mouth, to say what exactly, he had no idea, but suddenly the clouds shifted and moonlight streamed in through the library’s window. 

He swallowed against the lump forming in his throat.

He was a werewolf and that was never going to change. 

He managed to tear his eyes away from her gaze, and also managed, in a strained voice, to say that he was sure everything would work out for her in the end and that they should head back to bed. 

But when he got up to do just that, Hermione’s hand shot out and lightly gripped his wrist, halting his movements altogether. 

“No! I mean … I … could you … I just don’t want to be alone right now,” she said, staring up at him with pleading eyes, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to refuse. 

He sank back down next to her, a lot closer than before, so that their sides were pressed up against each other. Hermione didn’t seem to mind the contact at all, if anything he could have sworn she shuffled even closer. 

The more they talked, the more she seemed to relax and after the first half hour, she had lain her head on his shoulder without missing a beat as she spoke. 

By the time she had drifted asleep, she was curled into his side with her head on his chest as his arm gripped her tightly and protectively.

It was both hell and sweet, sweet heaven. 

 

* * *

 

Harry sleepily shuffled down the hallway to Hermione’s room, hoping he would find a repeat of the previous morning, with the exception of Ron instead of Remus wrapped around Hermione. Peering in, he smiled at the sight of Ron snoring noisily with his body half sprawled on top of Hermione’s, looking very comfortable indeed. 

But the more he stared, the clearer his sleep hazed vision became, and the more he realized it wasn’t Hermione underneath Ron at all.

He squinted.

It was a damn  _ pillow _ . 

_ Where the hell was Hermione? _

He wasn’t surprised to find her in the library. 

However, he  _ was _ surprised to find her once again, fast asleep in the arms of their resident werewolf. 

He stood, staring at them as understanding flooded through him at once. 

He sighed. 

Was it too optimistic of him to hope that no one would get hurt?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone, I hope people are still reading this! Real life is hectic, I'm trying to juggle a full time job and a side art hobby and trying to turn that hobby into side income. 
> 
> If you're interested in seeing my art life please shoot me a message <3 (I don't want to post links here because I like to keep my fanfic life separate from my real life identity) 
> 
> Thanks for reading my lovelies <3


	9. Chapter 9

**27th June 1998: Grimmauld Place**

 

After the night they had spent sleeping in the library, Remus avoided Hermione harder than ever. Neither had brought up any mention of that night, unaware that Harry had discovered them in the morning, leading him to keep a closer eye on them both. Hermione’s nightmares continued, leaving Harry completely clueless as to what to do to help his best friend. 

 

Remus was utterly exhausted. Though Hermione hadn’t asked Ron to sleepover at Grimmauld place again, he still felt uncomfortable going to her room at night to comfort her every time she woke him with her screams. He kept telling himself that it wasn’t his place to do so, that he had boundaries to respect. So he kept his distance, lying awake at night listening through her silencing charms to her muffled screams. 

 

She was sitting across from him at the table, and as she read the Daily Prophet, he couldn’t help but notice how drained she looked. These days, the dark circles under her eyes didn’t fade and Remus knew Harry was just as worried as he was. 

 

As an apron-clad Sirius hummed happily as he served everyone bacon and eggs fresh off the pan, two owls arrived holding identical ministry sealed envelopes, stopping in front of Harry and Hermione. With a brief look of confusion, Harry untied his letter and ripped into it immediately, eyes going wide and his chewing slowing as he processed the contents. Hermione however was staring at hers suspiciously, as though wondering why on earth the ministry would be writing to her. She opened it slowly but read it with speed, her eyes going just as wide as Harry’s. Harry finally peeled his eyes away from his own letter and turned to Hermione. 

 

“Are they being serious?!” Harry asked her in disbelief, brandishing the letter in his hand.  

 

“Apparently so,” she murmured without looking at him. 

 

Remus noticed that Hermione didn’t seem too pleased at the contents of her letter, if her frown and stiff posture were any indication. He caught Sirius’ eye over the table, whose eyebrows raised at him in question with bacon half hanging out of his mouth. 

 

“Everything alright Hermione?” Remus asked quietly, leaning towards her across the table.

 

She looked up quickly, startled.  “Hm? Oh … yes I suppose. It’s just …” 

 

Suddenly, Ron burst into the kitchen, still in his pajamas and clutching a piece of parchment in his hand, brandishing it frantically in the air. 

 

“I JUST GOT … HARRY … DID YOU?” he yelled excitedly, having spotted a letter clutched in Harry’s hand identical to his. 

 

At Harry’s nod, Ron’s grin grew even brighter. He turned expectantly towards Hermione, the silent question obvious. She nodded, causing Ron to let out a loud whoop. 

 

Hermione smiled at that, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes, 

 

Sirius and Remus both sat there, equally confused, until Sirius cleared his throat loudly.   

 

“Care to fill us in?”

 

“We’ve been offered a place in the Auror training program!” Ron exclaimed excitedly, before Harry or Hermione even had the chance to open their mouths. Remus and Sirius both sat there in shock for a second before the both of them jumped up from their seats to congratulate the trio. 

 

“Wow that’s … wow. Congratulations Harry! I’m so proud of you … and I’m sure your parents would have been too,” Sirius said, beaming brightly as he embraced Harry. Harry’s smiled hugely at Sirius’ words, obviously enjoying having a parent figure to praise him for once. 

 

Remus was the first to reach Hermione who was still in her seat, a strained smile on her face at the scene in front of her.

 

“Congratulations Hermione! What an honour,” he exclaimed as he embraced her, genuinely happy for her, despite the twinge of anxiety he felt at the prospect of her doing such a dangerous job.

 

“Thanks Remus,” she replied, tight smile still plastered on as she spoke.  

 

He frowned at that, but before he could ask her if everything was alright, Ron had come and embraced her around her middle. Remus watched curiously as Ron spun Hermione around, feeling something off about her behaviour. She looked awkward and stiff in Ron’s arms as though she wanted to escape as soon as possible. Though she was smiling as she congratulated Ron and Harry, the smile quickly dropped when she thought no one was looking. 

 

“We’ve got to write back Kingsley!” Ron said, his arms flailing around, clearly too excited to wait another minute. 

 

While Harry beamed and nodded enthusiastically in agreement, Hermione was looking distinctly uncomfortable. 

 

“Oh er … actually I might think about it first …”

 

“What’s there to think about?” Ron frowned, genuine confusion on his face on why Hermione would want to waste a single second.  

 

“I just … want to think about my options first, before I commit to anything,” she answered vaguely. 

 

“What? But … you’re going to do it right?” 

 

Hermione hesitated, looking conflicted. “I don’t know if I want to be an Auror, Ron. It’s always been your dream … and Harry’s. Never mine.” 

 

An awkward silence filled the kitchen as Ron just stared at Hermione incredulously. Harry, Sirius and Remus stood awkwardly off to the side, as they watched the painful exchange between the pair. 

 

“But … what will you do then?” he asked, still extremely confused by Hermione’s answer, as though it had never occurred to him that she would do something other than be an auror. 

 

“I don’t know … I was thinking I might do my NEWTS …,” Hermione said, keeping her eyes downcast. 

 

“WHAT?! That’s barmy Hermione! Why do your NEWTS when anyone will hire you regardless?! You’re a war heroine remember!” 

 

As soon as Ron said this, the intake of breath from everyone else in the room was heard instantly. Remus could already feel the indignation building up in Hermione as she looked at Ron with incredulous eyes. 

 

“I don’t want people to hire me because I’m a war heroine! I want them to hire me because of my skills and what I can offer … not because of a title!” Hermione burst out angrily, the force of her tone so harsh that Ron actually shrank back a little.   

 

“But Hermione … everyone knows that you’re brilliant already …,” Ron said uncertainly.   

 

Hermione seemed to deflate instantly, as though she just couldn’t be bothered to fight anymore. Remus felt a pang watching her retreat into herself.

“I just … nevermind,” she said in a small voice.“I’ve got so many things to sort out and I just … now is not the right time for me to be thinking about careers.” 

 

Ron scoffed. “What do you need to sort out? What the hell could be more important than this?”

 

Hermione stared at him for a moment, as though she couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. No one dared to breathe, waiting for the impending explosion that everyone but Ron could sense. 

 

“I think it’s pretty important I find my parents. Don’t you think?” she asked, her voice dangerously quiet. 

 

Ron paled instantly at her tone, now realizing that he hadn’t just dug himself a hole, but had managed to dig  _ and _ bury himself in a trench in a matter of seconds. 

 

With that she stalked out of the room and up the stairs. Everyone held their breath, waiting for the bang of a bedroom door. 

 

Instead they got the quiet click of the door closing, softly echoing in the silence of the house. 

 

* * *

 

Hermione was sitting on her bed when Ron came in, staring at the wall, her expression vacant. She knew he would follow her up. 

 

“Hermione, I’m sorry … you know that I always seem to put my foot in my mouth and blurt things out without thinking about how they sound. I know I must’ve been really careless with what I said back there. You’re brilliant Hermione, and even though I sounded like a prick back there, you know I’ll support you whatever you want to do.” 

“I know,” she said simply, betraying no emotion. 

 

The silence seemed to stretch on. Ron didn’t seem to know what to do and he stayed standing by the door, wringing his hands. 

 

“Ron …” Hermione said slowly. “I think we need to talk.” 

 

She knew it sounded cliche, but really there was no other way to say it. 

 

He gulped, his shoulders dropping, as though he knew what was coming. 

 

“I don’t think this is working,” Hermione finally said. 

 

He didn’t say anything for a long moment. 

 

“I know,” he said quietly. “I think I’ve known for a long time, but I convinced myself we could work through it, and that we’d work out somehow but …”

 

Smiling sadly Hermione reached out for his hand, and he took it gratefully, gripping it like a lifeline. “I know, me too.” 

 

“But I’m glad you brought it up … I was afraid it was all in my head. I don’t want to lose you as a friend Hermione,” he said thickly, his eyes suddenly looking slightly damp.  

 

“I don’t want to lose you either,” she said softly, staring at their joined hands. “Maybe we just need some breathing space first. Then when we’re both ready … back to friends again?”

 

“Back to best friends?” Ron said, his eyes looking at her hopefully. 

 

Hermione smiled, relieved that their friendship could be salvaged.“Yes, I’d like that.” 

 

* * *

 

Harry had seen Ron leave and the utter look of sadness on his face had a pit of dread forming in Harry’s stomach. Before Harry had gotten a chance to ask him what happened, Ron had disappeared in the thick green flames back to The Burrow.

 

Dinner was quiet that night. Too quiet. Harry, Remus and Sirius sat in silence around the dining table, only the sound of cutlery slicing through the tense mood. No one voiced what they were all thinking. 

 

_ Where was Hermione? _

 

After disappearing upstairs she hadn’t reappeared, and even Sirius had the grace to keep quiet for once. 

 

Finally, Harry couldn’t take it anymore. He was worried and afraid of what might have happened between her and Ron. He couldn’t shake the feeling that deep down he knew exactly what had happened between them, but a part of him hoped it wasn’t true. 

 

Reaching her door, Harry stood hesitantly outside it, before knocking tentatively. 

 

“Hermione?” he called softy. “Hermione. It’s Harry, can I come in?” 

 

Silence. 

 

He tried again, a little louder this time. “Hermione please, you need to eat something. Do you want me to bring you up a plate?” 

 

Still no answer. 

 

He opened the door, ready to drag Hermione out of her bed if it came to it, but the room was empty. Frowning at her empty bed, he tried to think of where she could be. It only took him a moment’s deliberation before he turned around and headed straight for the library. Everyone that knew Hermione knew that the library was her safe haven. 

 

When he didn’t immediately find her in the library, a sense of panic settled over him. In every place he looked, she wasn’t there, the sense of panic got stronger. He frantically went from room to room, but as he passed by the library a third time he almost collided into Remus, who seemed to be going for his own visit to the library. 

 

“I think you’ll find her on the top floor balcony, Harry.” Remus said, giving him a small smile as he passed him to enter the library. 

 

Harry nodded, not even bothering to ask how he knew, and turned to hurry up the stairs. He left out a sigh of relief when he finally found her exactly where Remus had said she would be. 

 

“Hey,” he said cautiously, dropping gently to the floor of the balcony beside her. 

 

“Hey,” she replied in a dead voice, not even turning to look at him as she stared out at the sky with unseeing eyes. 

 

“Is everything alright?” he asked slowly, as though afraid she would break any second. 

 

She shrugged. “I suppose so.”

 

Harry didn’t believe that for a moment, but he stayed silent as he moved to place a comforting arm around her, which she immediately leant into, placing her bushy head on his chest. 

 

They stayed like that for a few minutes, until she whispered quietly into his chest, “Ron and I broke up.”

 

There it was. Confirmation of what Harry had been fearing would happen eventually. For a second, Harry didn’t know what to say. He had seen it coming, since that night he found her and Remus in the library and realized that things between her and Ron had changed, but he hadn’t expected it to have been so soon.

 

“I … are you okay?”

Hermione shrugged, sniffling a little. “I’m … mostly relieved, but still it hurts. We’ve been dancing around each other for years and I thought we’d finally sorted ourselves out but … I think all it did was show us we weren’t meant for each other.” 

 

Harry nodded, realizing that his two best friends were just too different, and ultimately weren’t meant to be. 

 

Hermione suddenly sat up, looking up at him with teary, scared eyes. “This won’t change anything between us right?” 

 

Surprised that she even had to ask that, Harry wrapped her tightly in a fierce hug. “Hey, no of course it won’t change anything between us. You’re my best friend Hermione, that’s not going to change just because you and Ron didn’t work out.” 

 

When her only response was to sniffle loudly against his chest, he hugged her even tighter. 

 

“Hermione, to be completely honest, I was always afraid of you and Ron being together. Selfishly I was afraid it meant I would get pushed out,” he confessed, feeling how silly it sounded now that he had said it out loud. 

 

Her sniffling stopped and she pulled away to look at Harry incredulously. “Oh Harry, is that how you felt? You’re our best friend, we’ve been through so much, did you really think Ron and I would leave you out?” 

 

“I know, I was being stupid. But just because you and Ron didn’t work out doesn’t mean I’m going to stop being your best friend.” 

 

Hermione blinked, realizing that Harry had basically used her own logic to comfort her. She let out a small smile of gratitude. “Thanks Harry. Sorry I’m being silly aren’t I?” 

 

“Definitely silly. You’re like my family Hermione, and family is always there for each other. No matter what happens, you’ll always be my sister.”

 

He wanted to ask her about Remus, if she noticed how he acted around her, how he looked at her as though she was his world, but he held his tongue, knowing it was too soon after her break up with Ron to ask what she thought of or even felt towards the older werewolf. So he kept quiet, as he held her tightly, rocking them back and forth. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for reading <3

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed reading this :)
> 
> If you want to be friends, please find me on tumblr: lumosunicorn31.tumblr.com


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